Why do we think that it is impossible to be single and be happy? Why do we necesserily need a person to live with to be happy? Let's avoid talking about "preservance of species", etc. as we have such a big excess of population on the planet already that it can no longer hold it. And don't tell me that "it is natural, just look at the nature: animals always have another animal to live with." The problem is that though, biologically, we are Animals, it is our mind that differentiates and separates us from any other species. It is our brain that makes us humans (or un-humans in certain cases), giving us the control over everything and the possibility of Choice.
We all have people around us that we are fond of/comfortable with/happy to be with: our relatives, our friends, our co-workers (in the worst case). They bring positive emotions into our lives, and make these lives brighter. But why do we need a separate person who will (or might) bring even more "light" and bigger emotions? Why can't it be a very close friend who you share much with (feelings, outlook, interests, etc)?
Or is our "animal instinct" so strong (stronger that the mind) that we just can't do without a "partner" who is just a person to have sex with (apart from other common/shared things), as simple as that?
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Why do we need a partner ? Or why do we fall in love? I mean, once you fall in love- you dont ask yourself first question.
ReplyDeleteTo SANECHKA:
ReplyDeleteit's so easy to explain everything with one word - "Love". Can you do without it?
No one can do without love, Sasha. Or if you think you can you deceive yourself. As for me (and I guess for all of us) when I'm not in love I feel empty, I feel that i'm missing something
ReplyDeleteThen, you still haven't found your purpose in life.
DeleteThe title question has nothing to do with love. And I don't want to ask why we need love, it's clear even for me. I just want to know, why a person can't be happy alone,by him/herself and needs a second person to be happy?
ReplyDeleteA person can be happy alone. Just as a person can be happy with a partner. It can apply to different people or to the same person at different stages of life. I'm not talking about love here, because being a partner is a lot more than just being in love. I think the key to feel comfortable in both instances is to first of all be comfortable and have sufficient love for self, to know self, and not to run away from self and find a partner just so you don't feel lonely or empty, or less of a person because you are alone (and everyone around you has partners). It all starts with you. You are your own treasure, and no partner will take better care of you than you yourself because no one knows you better than you yourself. I guess I'm kind of drifting with my thoughts here :) but what I'm trying to say is to have a partner is a great thing. But so is to be alone. I've done both. However, as George Clooney's character said in "Up in the Air", "Life is better with company".
ReplyDeleteTo IRINA:
ReplyDeleteI fully understand you and share your opinion: the most important (and difficult) in life is to find happiness for oneself, within oneself, "internal happiness". If you are not happy with yourself, inside yourself, no partner can help you to hide your unhappiness; you will still be unhappy with the partner as well. Indeed, "life is better with company", but somehow some people choose to be alone...
Счастливые люди такими вопросами не задаются, будь они влюблены или одиноки. С Ириной частично согласен. Но тут сколько людей столько и мнений. Жизнь одна, это я знаю, хотя и не точно. Живи жизнь и радуйся.
ReplyDeleteSomehow everybody tends to talk about love and hapinness. But the question is much simpler: do we need a partner because the society expects us to have it (in order not be looked down upon if you don't have one; you are just supposed to have it), or is it mainly for yourslef, because you want to have him/her, or we need him/her for some other reason?
ReplyDeleteHi Alex,
DeleteYou may not even see this - I realise you wrote it 2 years ago, but I have been writing some thoughts down about this exact question recently and found this conversation doing some research on the internet into the questions 'why do human beings feel the need to have partners?'. I too wonder about this - it is proving irritating to me that almost all the people around me feel the need to couple up - largely I believe, due to societal pressure - and it leaves me excluded. I dont feel I need this for myself but for 3 reasons;
1. To fit in with my friends because they all have partners
2. To be more respected in society (I used to think it was me not thinking I wasnt good enough to have a partner, but now I realise its because of this huge and societal pressure which is sometimes explicit and sometimes implicit- actually, others dont think Im good enough if I dont have a partner, and I am told this directly and indierctly)
3. Sex - as a woman, unfortunately my experience shows you cant have sex with a man and then have him respect you enough to hang around. If I want to be able to have sex for any length of time, it appears it needs to be in the context of a relationship.
I noticed that many of the people who replied on your comments didn’t really seem to get what you were asking. I think I get it, and I have the same question - no really answers, just ways of dealing with the reality of a society that demands this of us. I think it has alot to do with a kind of religious 'hangover'. In a world where religion is the norm, and in the UK (where I’m from) where the Church dominated until very recently, it was unacceptable to not be married and creating babies – indeed, this was the purpose of being born; your moral, religious and earthly duty. Although much of what the church stands for is being challenged these days, this idea of needing to pair up with a significant other still lingers and has an incredible hold over our society. Indeed, the pressure you seem to have felt as I have done/still do comes from the underlying belief of the ability to pair up with a significant other as a sign of social success granting you pretty much the ultimate social status (along with wealth and a few other things). Of course in reality marriage and other forms of coupling up don’t necessarily turn out to be the dreams they are sold as, but that doesn’t matter to a society which needs rigid rules to decide what makes people better and others worse and therefore who should be in charge. The thing I find the most terrifying is how little the people I know, including many of those those closest to me, don’t even recognise that this is happening let alone think to challenge it, let alone think they could choose to live a life that doesn’t abide by it.
If you are still about I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.
To Alex- Why do we need a partner or why do You need a partner? How can i know why you need?
ReplyDeleteSanja, tebe opjat-
ReplyDeleteV 21 veke, obschestvennoe mnenie ne volnuet bolshe nikogo krome Alexandra Kanonovicha. Esli ti sam stesnjaeshsja togo , chto ti odinok , to eto v tebe disgarmonija , a ne mnenie obschestva gorjuet. Ne znaju kak virazit eto na angliiskom.
Ja tak skazu-
A TI POPROBUI!!!
Сантер, ты пишешь в своем блоге не то, чего от тебя ожидают люди. Давай интересные истории про твои путешествия и фотки, фотки больше фоток, и больше фани историй. Перестань заниматься издевательством над людьми. Вопрос то поднял для нас, а не для себя – негодяй!
ReplyDeleteЖду следующего поста.
Well, Alex.) Why to have and why not to have a partner are two separate questions, really) So if to speculate on yours, I should say there are three main reasons to want to be with smn constantly, which are: 1. psychological - we all want to get back to our Mothers darkness, where there was all in one, comfort and warmth and food and drink and good emotions, so we try to substitute this state by searching for someone who would think about us and comfort us all the time; 2. physiological - people need to be touched, kissed and sexed- thats hormonal, and only a steady partner can provide this for sure, no one night stands can be a guarantee; 3. for communication - friends would become too busy sooner or later, u r just too young to feel it, and a partner is always there. we are social beings, wether or not.
ReplyDeleteI think everybody tends to talk about love and happiness because people live with partners who they love (at least at the very beginning), not make friends with. Of course, it's great when the person you love is your friend but you know what I mean. As to your questions whether we need a partner because we ourselves need him/her or because society insists. I think both. Above all, this is natural to have a partner, both physically and morally. And as soon as we live in society we cannot ignore its customs :) Personally I feel really uncomfortable when business people say they do not take unmarried women seriously or when my colleague says he feels sorry for the fact that such a smart and beautiful girl like me is not married yet or when my aunt phones once in 6 months and asks why I'm not married yet. Of course I tell everyone I'm ok, I'm self-sufficient: I have a good job, I hang out with friends and I have hobbies... but the truth is that a partner is missing ;) one of the characters in "The Holiday" said just the same: "no matter how many new haircuts you get or gyms you join or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girl friends..." you still need a partner :)
ReplyDeleteKasju, +1
ReplyDeleteWhat do need a partner. If they are female then just end up costing you money and if that don't they are entitled to half of your stuff anyway.
ReplyDelete